I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
