Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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