as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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