I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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