do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
