Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize