I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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