I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
