I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
