I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.