you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.