Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?