I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge