i just google imaged poop.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.