All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.