we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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