He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
