i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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