just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
