somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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