no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
