I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
