new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
