So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
