Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
