When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
