And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
