Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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