btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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