Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
