your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We need to get me chipped asap
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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