He had one of those small greek statue penises
you didnt know i had herpes?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize