yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sex in a hospital.. check
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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