when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
