bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
