Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
