You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
