It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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