addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
