I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
