thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
