He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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