How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
