Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
