my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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