Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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