You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
