marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
