Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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