Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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