what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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