as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
