Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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