Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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