I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
