She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize