and she was petting her beer can
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
