Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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