This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
