So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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