So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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