this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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