the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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