big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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