is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
