i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
