my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
