You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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