youre lurking in front of me
operation harelip BJ is a go
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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