hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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